


The Birthday Thing

by MANTICORner



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Birthday, Gen, Night Vale, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format, birthday present for Kylie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 23:57:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MANTICORner/pseuds/MANTICORner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a friend's birthday. Full of inside jokes. Night Vale format.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Birthday Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Kylie! I hope you get all the Supermassive Black Ho-Dick you ever wanted.
> 
> Not Beta-read.
> 
>  
> 
> All recognisable concepts are the property of Common Place Books' Welcome to Night Vale.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The sky is vast, blue, but most of the time, purple. It is a reflection of you and all you are. Crying when it's sad, blazing when it's happy. Except for the specs of glitter within, it is alone...

Actually that’s just my ceiling.

 

Welcome to Night Vale.

 

Today is a special day. It is the Sixteenth annual birthday party of fellow Night Vale Citizen Kylie. That’s right, she’s sixteen... again! Awe, they grow up so fast.

Now, I know the Glow Cloud that has recently taken rein over Night Vale has told us that we should simply forget all traditions before its time- ALL HAIL THE GLOW CLOUD.

But I believe that we should stand against its tyranny, and proceed with this celebration anyway. Now a little background information on Kylie for those of you who have neglected to attend in the past. She is a straight 'A' student; 'A' for average, and is a staff member of her High school's newspaper the Blood Stone Blazers.

She is known for laughing at her own jokes and dancing- or better known as “doing the thing”- in front of City Hall. This consists of sticking her limbs in the arms of a large sweatshirt and crab-walking in rapid rotation. Not to mention, Kyle is an advocate for the banning of the hit series, Game of Thrones which has resulted in over half of the infamous riots that have taken place in the past two decades. She rejects it for its crude anecdotes and favour for beheading as a method of execution; which we all know is ridiculous because that’s not how you really kill people, am I right Night Vale? Ha-hah.

Citizens, it is crucial that you attend Kylie’s Party Thing today to show the Glow Cloud that we are not under its control any longer, and that we are free to celebrate any Night Vale occasion we wish. From that, we can prove that we can hold our own and perhaps one day the Glow Cloud will go away. Pack up your blood stones and cauldrons and bring quirky tee-shirts as an offering. But remember not to bring your drug-addled, homeless aunts. I don’t know if you all remember the YMCA incident of last year but after she gave her speech of thanks, Kylie mistook all those unfortunate women to be the appetizers of her grand feast and proceeded to inhale them whole.

Trouble on what to get the birthday girl? It was reported that the Food for Thought segment on NPR and high heeled shoes are just some of Kylie’s favourite things.

Also, if you like monotone synchronised humming followed by loud screeching, you’re in luck! That’s the theme of her party.

Get ready to have some fun at Kylie’s Party Thing sponsored by Cafe Vita: _we’re better than you!_

So, at her mother’s request please do not “forget to RSVP”… Or else.

 

And now, the [Weather](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6okwg6PiSis):

 


End file.
